Sunday, February 19, 2006

all mirth and no matter

Following on the heels of last night/this morning's post, I have been considering who I want to be. Actually, I haven't. At least not consciously. But I just made the comment to my roommate that I want to be Beatrice. I want to be Beatrice, but only if I have a Benedick to match me.

Bah. Does it all come back to this? To love and companionship? Maybe it does. Most of my favorite scenes in Much Ado are the battles of wit between Beatrice and Benedick. But my favorite is in the chapel, when they confess their love to each other. That's it. I'm a romantic. I'm a romantic who wants fights and arguments and disagreements and the tensions created that follow all of the above. Does this happen in the real world? I don't know, don't remember. I don't think Chad ever dared disagree with me and Kelly refused to let me disagree with him. What the hell was I doing in those relationships? (And the answer: Chad was a good kisser and Kelly's idea of a good date was my idea of a good date--dinner and a movie.)

Hmm. So who else do I want to be or pretend to be?

Claire, Elizabethtown. I know I've talked about this before, but I like Claire. I like her optimism and her caring. She does what she does without hoping for return of affection. There is no guarantee of Drew falling for her in the end. She may have been just the "substitute person" again, but she risks. She puts herself out there. That, and she has great lines.

I just wrote that and it occured to me that I've written this post before. Maybe not with pictures, but I've talked about being the girl with the good lines. And with that thought, my other two on the list tonight: Helena from Midsummer and Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice. No surprise there.

Are you noticing a trend? Before she abandoned me for the MTC, Kapka finally explained her three kinds of people: monster, robot, Mr. Darcy. Monster people look to the past and robot people to the future. Mr. Darcy people step out of the orderliness of the triumverate. They are of the present, but they are also people who you have to warm up to. I am a Mr. Darcy person. I want something like Beatrice, Helena, Elizabeth, and Claire's relationships.

Maybe this is only making sense to me. And unlike a church talk, that's all that matters--that I know what's going on in my head. Find me a man that I can fight with and love as intensely as I fight with him.

The theme of tomorrow's post: Love me! why? (Benedick)



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