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We moved into more comfortable territory today in cw theory: Robert Hass's Human Wishes, which is half prose pomes/nondelineated verse, half poetry. Kim immediately asked if I felt more comfortable. I answered as truthfully as possible: No.

I did feel more comfortable, but I've suddenly been paying attention to the aural quality of language. I always have enjoyed it--Kim's poetry, Hopkins, etc.--but I'm much more aware of it now. Last night I left a friend's apartment (yes you know him and yes I'm protecting him from having to confess associating with me) and as I drove away I had a rhythm and then the words to match it. I actually changed destinations and headed straight for home so I could record it before it left. It's this intense exchange and repetitions of words and the meaning is in the obsessing over certain words rather than the words themselves.

So back to class. I do feel more comfortable with Hass's poetry, but I had to switch gears in order to read it. I started out just listening to the words, reading it out loud to find the stresses, the rhythms. Kim asked me to read the first piece in the book, which I did. I used to be scared of reading out loud, of the sound of my voice, the sound of the words. I wanted to leave them on the page. I didn't realize how much I was hurting my poetry to feel that way. Now I just need to find a balance between the aural and the narrative, the sound and the meaning behind the sound. Because I still want the imagery, the ability for connection. Not that aural precludes connection--but if you can do both, the way Kim does.

This post will end on a weak note, but on a nice one. After I read, Zero (the friend formerly known as JeffT) leaned over to tell me I have a nice reading voice. And I grinned, remembering a compliment I received after my reading last semester: someone (who has asked to remain anonymous) told me when they closed their eyes, the sound of my voice was very. . . I think the word used was sultry.