Sunday, October 09, 2005

Objectify Me, or Would You Like Fries with That?

The ward menu came out today. And when I say "menu," I mean "menu." In addition to the title actually being "Ward Menu," those clever souls on the Welcoming Committee, who are apparently in charge of putting it together, went through and assigned each ward member a menu item. They took it a step farther by making each guy in the ward an entree or side dish and each girl a dessert. As if the dating mentality wasn't off-putting enough. Most men are now some meat dish, while the girls range from "creme brulee" to "popsicle." (Except for my sister and me. We somehow lucked out with salt and pepper, respectively.) The worst part is this gut feeling that the bishop approved the damn thing.

I just feel really bad for the guy who will forever be known as "Spam."

7 comments:

Master Fob said...

Ooh, wow, that really is disturbing. I've heard of the ward menu motif being used before, but it sounds like these people have really taken it to new limits.

Will you change your blogger name to Peppergirl now?

Appropriately, my word verification is "gaahk." Gaahk indeed.

Tolkien Boy said...

Hee hee hee

I'm in this ward...too bad I missed today.

I can't wait to see what I am. Probably meatloaf. Or maybe suckling pig. Or, perhaps, Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Be still, my beating taste buds.

Cicada said...

Maybe I shouldn't post on your poor blog that eating Rocky Mountain Oysters was the closest I've ever come to oral sex...

Also, I had one ward where the bishop accidentally called six sisters to the "Passionate Service Board." I'll tell you, we've never had a happier Elder's Quorum

Thirdmango said...

Holy snap. That is extreme psychoticness, it makes me really want to see this. I would be so opposed to it, I can just imagine complaining to the bishop about how unthinking he is. I almost want to be in your ward just to make a giant stink. Ooooh the possibilities. Good luck.

FoxyJ said...

So, are you allowed to say that you are vegetarian and thus unable to date any guy in your ward? What happens to those who are lactose intolerant or who have food allergies? Seriously, I would have been completely outraged if that happened to me. I think it's sick and wrong on so many levels. Are women desserts because they simply light and fluffy afterthoughts to the "main course"? Ugh. If you ever want to move out of the whole Provo singles ward thing, we can let you know when an apartment here opens up...

ambrosia ananas said...

Wow. As a dear friend of mine used to say, "Sometimes there just aren't words. Because some idiot already used them all."

So, I'm curious. What foods did the makers of this wonderful document assignment themselves? Fruit loops, perhaps?

Joe said...

I ahready told you, my wife thought this was too funny, particularly the way you told it. Just think how much more boring the world would be without this ward directory in it. Also, lots of people like pepper. Not that that matters.

 

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