Friday, January 13, 2006

stupid movie

My life would be a stupid movie simply because I'd be a crummy main character. You're at least supposed to feel something for the main character, right? I wouldn't be likeable. I'd be irritating. Take tonight for example:

Editorgirl drives up to a house in her car, Muffy. We don't know why the car is named Muffy, but that's its name and we except such monikers in this world. Editorgirl turns off the car, but stays inside for a moment. Is she collecting her purse? Herself? Or just waiting for a song on the radio to end? She climbs out of the car, at first gracefully, but her purse catches and she ends up in an off-balance tug-of-war with the car to extract the beige vinyl bag. She regains balance, adjusts her coat, buttoning the last button, and closes the car door, locking the car as she walks to the house.

Once inside, editorgirl is greeted by TB, Master Fob, FoxyJ, SBoogie, Bawb, Duchess, and Ambrosia. It's Ambrosia's house and Ambrosia is preparing curry and rice. There is a fondue pot on the table, with slightly bubbling chocolate inside and a stack of various dippable foods outside. Editorgirl joins the group, greeting everyone in return, and takes a seat next to Duchess on the loveseat. Don't get too excited by that name, because nothing happens. Our main character sits still so long that we begin to wonder if the tape is broken, repeating itself as she nods and laughs at the conversation. The only convincing proof that the tape is, in fact, intact, is when editorgirl gets up to serve herself curry (which is heavenly) and to dip squares of cream cheese into the chocolate (which is a different but no less valid type of heavenly).

Editorgirl bids farewell to Ambrosia, Duchess, Bawb, and Asmond (who showed up late and therefore gets mentioned late) and walks to her car with TB in tow. They drive to Master Fob's house, with editorgirl taking the longest route possible. Music plays on the radio and the conversation is entertaining, but generic.

As the Fobbing begins, the Fobs (writing group, not the family) welcome a new individual--who has yet to earn his online moniker. Because there is a new member, the Fobs introduce each other, interrupted by goodnight hugs and kisses from SBoogie. Cuteness ensues, courtesy of our guest star.

Fobbing comes in short bursts, as editorgirl is in turn apathetic, intense, cruel, and hesitant. She, of course, feels guilt for all these emotions, but still enjoys the evening's Fobtacular Fobtacular. As the evening winds down and the risk of "Fernando" blaring from her cell phone decreases, she turns on her cell and hears the ascending tone that indicates she has a message. Master Fob and TB watch as her face registers disbelief and then panic.

Stay tuned for the sequel, crappy movie 2, in which eg agonizes to the point of giving herself a headache. There is no rest for the pathetic.

And that's why no man will ever love me.

Happy Friday the 13th.


Master Fob said...

There's no accounting for taste--you happen to be one of my favorite movies.

erin said...

I like you. :)

ambrosia ananas said...

I'm very glad you came last night. And next time, I'll have to schedule on a non-Fob night, so that I can keep you longer.


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