Tuesday, November 23, 2004

And the walls came. . .

Hi everyone. I posted just a few seconds ago, but this is my blog and I can say/write/do whatever I please. The last post opened up some new opportunities for personal reflection.
I tend to categorize people--not stereotype, categorize. It makes them easier for me to deal with. But I'm realizing that I continue to categorize myself and in doing so I've built some pretty thick walls. I hope this blog serves to break down at least some of those walls.
In "This is my choice." I wrote about boyfriend number two of two. I'm being excessively honest when I say he hurt me a lot. It was the first time I had just been myself with a person and by dumping me he was saying that myself as a person wasn't good enough. So I've categorized myself, letting people know me only one category at a time: the poet, the roommate, the student, the editor, the flirt (yes, Trent, I can and do flirt). There are more categories, but they don't fit as neatly on the page. I'm rambling. My point is that I'm always surprised when someone who I've shown one side to indicates that they've seen other sides of me: when a roommate tells me I'm smart, for instance.
I'm not trying to lay myself out for inspection. And I'm not going to attempt to explain myself here. But I do promise to be open. It's not so much for you (you being the handful of friends who take the time to read this), but for me. Hah! Purely selfish intents again. But you are more than welcome to come along for the ride.


Anonymous said...

"Labels simplify people"

Yesterday, I offended somebody by labeling them. I was at a church activity and the person running it was trying to work the DVD player (we were in a classroom with a projector)and having a lot of difficulty. So I helped, and in helping a made a comment like "So, you're a music major, huh?" He wasn't, and frankly he's one of the more talented people I know. I said it without thinking and offended him. I apologized as soon as I could. But it made me think about labels that we give and get (and they are plentiful). I labeled him as someone that was too arts inclined to be technically capable (which is ironic since I consider myself to be both very arts inclined and technically capable), and in doing so I gave myself a label of being condescending and rude.

Okay, since this isn't my blog I should get to the point. Every post of this blog is a snapshot of what's going on in your mind, but none of it is the whole. I'm not usually a pompous jerk, and I'd be heartbroken if someone were to judge me based on one ten second interaction. I don't think the categories that you tend to give yourself on a day by day basis represent the whole at all. Just pieces in a mosaic that represent the whole. There will always be people who see one snapshot and assume they know the the big picture, and those people are shallow and ignorant (did you notice how I made a generalization about people who over-generalize?) However, like it or not, in posting, everything you say is up for inspection. Hopefully the people doing the inspecting think about what they're reading.


editorgirl said...

The can is open and empty.

Things always read a little different in the morning, but this morning I am not going to delete this post. Because it is for me. At the same time, I want to respond to a few things.

Kapka, I feel dreadful that I offended her because she is an awesome person. I do admit that I feel, oh, somewhat justified in my relief that Denny's Boy and I didn't work out. But it's more that I, again, try to understand people by categorizing them and getting them out of the way, so to speak. I don't look down on people who work fast food. People have to work, and for that matter, have to eat. I apologize to any and all who I offended last night. It was in reference to one person only who flaked out, not the rest of the fast food workers. I'm not doing a very good job here. . . complete sentences are difficult things.

And fxp, I know that I'm risking inspection on this blog. This post was to acknowledge that. I meant that in this particular post I wasn't attempting to explain all myself or set myself up for psychoanalysis. But while we're on the subject, I'm equal parts blue and red, with only one white and no yellow. Inspect that.

editorgirl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I know what you meant. Thanks for being honest.

What color system are you using? There really are too many. If it helps, I'm a Peircian white (or black, you decide).


editorgirl said...

Yes please.


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