brace yourself

Someone (Dad) mentioned that I haven't blogged in, oh, two weeks. I was simply going to say nothing happened in two weeks, but here are the highlights.

The day after my last post, I wrote a ten-page paper on Ezra Pound's poem Hugh Selwyn Mauberley, turned it in, bid farewell to the quarter and said hello to spring break, which I kicked off by hanging out with my co-worker friends at an Evanston bar (yes, I suppose "editorgirl goes to the bar" would have been a rather entertaining piece), nursing a Diet Coke and sharing a blissful piece of chocolate cake with The Other Sarah, and then confusing the party-happy friends by ending my night at the bookstore, where I picked up The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova (a rec from Anna, The Only Anna). The Historian turned out to be 908 pages and most of my spring break, accompanied by a bad cold and hours of uninspiring television. I'm pretty sure I also went to church and a branch "talent" show, where the highlights were a Flight of the Conchords parody (the mind reels), a man singing "I'm Big in Japan" while solving two Rubick cubes, and a boy (if such distinctions can be made) singing "Starlight Express" accompanied by his girlfriend on rollerblades waving sparklers.

Of course, I could have made all of that up.

I promise more postings in April, especially since I'll be celebrating National Poetry Month and my not-25th birthday. Oh. . . and did I mention I'm Coming Home?

a St. Patrick's Day apron

So by 10:30 at night, my face is less than picture worthy, but I did promise the apron.

This one shows how cute the apron is.

And I just liked the lighting on this one.

And yes, I did put on a skirt and heels for these pics. I plan on putting them on every time I cook wearing this apron.

this is commitment

I'm usually inclined to be annoyed and dismissive when a teacher or speaker at church "challenges" the class/congregation to do something over the week. Imagine my surprise, then, to hear myself challenging the class to "speak kind words to and about each other" during my lesson. Inspiration, it was not, but I've decided it is something I need to work on. I was planning on keeping it in mind during work and class today; I failed, rather miserably. So I've come up with an alternative I kind of like: blogging nice things about people (specific people, not in general). I decided to start with the people who commented on my last post, and then move on from there tomorrow. One post for each day this week. Here we go.

Theric: I have this secret sadness that I wasn't fobbing (in Provo) when Theric was fobbing (in Provo). The workshopping comments and critiques I've received from him are some of the most perceptive, intelligent, encouraging--I could keep going, but my adjectives tend to get away from me. Plus he's Thmazing--you don't get better than that.

Anna B: Anna and I have this plan. And in our plan, we are not in separate states, or even in a single state--we're in London. Anna is the type of person you want to travel to London with. She's hilarious and kind and brilliant and can keep up on the Diet Coke count. Someday we'll execute the plan: London, then living in close proximity, because I hate living in different time zones. Hate hate hate it. (Oh wait. This is supposed to be a happy post.) She's also the coolest fan of American Idol--and those are hard to come by.

Lekili: I'm not sure if she wants me to out her, but this is my blog, and Lekili is my mom. My super awesome, beautiful mom who manages to be all things to all her children. We spend hours on the phone, and would probably spend more if our cell phone batteries didn't overheat. Did I mention that she's been sewing aprons recently? Stay tuned tomorrow for my cute green St. Patrick's Day apron!

Ginsberg: Sometimes I wonder if Ginsberg is the best nym for him, but that's what you get when you're a genius poet (seriously genius) who decided to play with "Howl." I love Ginsberg's writing voice, whether in his poetry or in blog comments or IMing. It's charming and consistent and genius (that word again)--even if he doesn't appreciate The Bird and The Bee the way he should. (Listen to it again, man.)

So, Day One is Done. Stay tuned for more happy thoughts and one very cool St. Patrick's Day apron. (I don't know if I'll be wearing it, but I promise pictures!)

love love love

Note: I didn't think this would cause any confusion. I was wrong. I just like the ring (from Blue Poppy, if you were wondering). I don't own the ring and I am currently "violently single." Any changes, and you'll be the first to know.

Also: The original text with this post was "Now I just need a man." But I don't know if I believe a man should be the one to buy the ring, even a diamond ring. Maybe I'll buy it for my right hand for my birthday (one month from tomorrow, in case you need to get shopping).

And the unborn is

a dude. This courtesy of the text my brother sent me today (exact quote: "It's a dude.") In case I haven't mentioned this, Sven's wife (and my sister-in-law) Ashton is pregnant and due in July.

I guess this means the blue tutu Grandma (Mom) bought will have to wait for the next grandbaby.

sometimes

it's a good night.



There's a great music vid, but I really prefer it live.

I wish you weren't charming.

This is post 621. (I'm almost typed "This is poet 621," which would have been a completely different kind of entry.) I keep thinking I should "celebrate" the big numbers, but I never think of it when it is a big number. Maybe at 1000 I'll find something worthy of post 1000. (Please feel free to suggest what would be worthy of post 1000.)

This post (and poet) has nothing to do with the number 621. This post, before I realized it was too late to be writing such an argument, was about men. Men and their gift for sudden moments of charming-ness. And these are real men too--no fictional characters on the stage tonight.

tagged

Thank/blame Lauren.

8FavoriteTVShows

1. Bones
2. NCIS
3. The West Wing/Studio 60
4. House
5. Lie to Me
6. Psych
7. Numb3rs
8. Project Runway/Top Chef/ANTM

8ThingsIDidYesterday

1. woke up
2. transferred to the Purple Line at Howard
3. processed 31 DPRs
4. two-and-a-half hour job interview including
5. a 45-minute writing "task"
6. stayed awake for Modernist poetry/poetics class
7. found out A.Poet.Classman likes American Idol
8. stayed up too late watching Jimmy Fallon/Cameron Diaz dance off

8ThingsILookForwardTo

1. The weekend
2. The weekend being over
3. Next quarter's poetry workshop
4. Niece/nephew #2
5. Going to sleep
6. Summer vacation in Utah
7. Christmas vacation in Utah
8. Sleep. Lots of sleep.

8FavoriteRestaurants

1. Mandarin
2. Cafe Rio
3. Settebello
4. Sushi in Joy
5. Happy Sumo
6. Macaroni Grill (only in Provo)
7. Chipotle
8. Chili's

8ThingsIWishFor

1. Utah to not be so far away from Chicago
2. A reason to enjoy this weekend
3. A full-time job
4. Another chance to meet John Cusack
5. Abby to know who she's talking to on the phone
6. Cute guys in Chicago
7. The El to run on schedule tomorrow
8. London, visiting or living

I refuse to tag anyone. (*cough*Anna*cough*)

sad sad bunny, part two

So I tried to find a clip of the Arthur minstrel singing "Sad Sad Bunny," but no luck. A friend did have a YouTube link to the Sendak classic "A, Alligators All Around," but it's not really applicable here.

I have spent a day trying to ignore, well, everything. It's incredibly easy when you work in data entry. All I need are pages of numbers and a computer screen and a second computer screen to play videos on so that my thoughts don't wander too far from the first computer screen and, of course, the numbers. But now I'm back in my yellow apartment (have I ever mentioned that the living room of my apartment is various shades of yellow? it is. and while nothing else is actually yellow, this room colors everything else), now that I'm back, it's a little harder to pretend that I don't exist.

Tomorrow I have a final interview for a job I would really really love. I'm not worried so much about the interview as I am about what happens after the interview--the part I can't control. I'm not sure I could handle another disappointment, another failure. Because--and I know no one else sees this--my life for the past year-and-then-some seems to me to be a series of failures. Somehow the plan that was my life, the plan that was going forward, fell out from under me. And I know this happens in life. And there are days when I can philosophize it away. I can say things happen for a reason, and look at the person I am because of what has happened, but it's really all still very fresh. It will be years before I can say that in earnest.

So here's where all this leads. And I say this with all sincerity. I'm really very scared for tomorrow, and for the days that follow, waiting to find out what happens. Please pray for me. Going forward has never been this terrifying, or required this much faith.

sad sad bunny

So I've been working on this series of poems. 12 poems. In my head they're titled as "Ecclesiastes." So far there are eight poems written out, with pieces of the last four in my notebook and in my head.

I was supposed to workshop the eight tonight. Didn't happen. I know sometimes profs run out of time, etc., but tonight I was just tired and frustrated. I still am. (Hence this post.)

The poems are not happy poems. They are sad poems. No way around that. It's a 12-poem elegy of sorts, but I want it to break from that tradition. And it's not. At all.

I got my prof's notes. Most of them are gentle pushes, but at the end, he compares the series to Miss Havisham sitting in her wedding dress, going no where. So much for the gentle. The worst part is that he's right, and that I'm stuck in these poems. I'm numb in them.

Danny has just told me to stop thinking for tonight (or my translation of his advice is to stop thinking). I think he's right. He usually is.

Oh: Sad sad bunny is from Arthur. Just in case you were wondering.