So I haven't posted what I consider a "real" post for a while. . . maybe not a Sahara-like stretch, but still, it's time to write.
I've been worried about blogging this week because I wanted to figure some things out in my head first. Here's what (I think) I figured out:
1. My favorite flower is alstroemeria (see left). You can buy them for cheap at Smith's and they have this quality about them--delicate and yet fierce. I know it's nothing concrete, but they make me happy. Maybe I like them because they're always the complementary flower in a bouquet--you notice the roses or gerber daisies, but these show off those flowers.
2. Number one is important, but not the most important thing of the week, which is an accumulation of multiple thoughts, etc.
I've been wondering for a while if my plan to PhD after next year was the right idea. I kept getting stomach aches and head aches and all other kind of aches when I thought about it. Sometime this week (okay, Wednesday around 2:40 p.m.) I realized that I was planning on the wrong kind of PhD. All this time I've been thinking I'd pursue a literature degree and do writing on the side. I need to flip that. I am about to declare something I never thought I'd declare: I am a writer. I'm going to apply to creative writing PhD programs. (I know I posted that, but now I'm saying it and explaining it and just getting it out of my system.)
The big deal here isn't the PhD program, although it's part of it. The big deal is that somehow in the past week I started to think of myself as a writer. I'm having too much fun genre-bending to declare myself poet, but I'm a writer. I'm a writer, I'm a writer. And this means a bunch of scary things, like suddenly caring about sending things out for publication and pursuing poems that I thought were just fun little pieces and being a writer. I've never been one before. I mean, I wrote. But I didn't have the dedication or the persona or the attitude or the thought process. Look at Miss K. That girl is a writer, body and soul. Same with oh!resolution and HMP and, of course, aa is the epitome of the writer-wanderer.
Is it odd that with this revelation comes some degree of sadness that I didn't realize all this last year when we were all together?
9 comments:
Welcome to the club.
I'm having to much fun genre-bending to declare myself poet
It's good to know that even self-proclaimed (and good)writers use the wrong kind of "to" sometimes. :-)
And I think it sounds like you've come to a good decision.
1. way to have a self-definition / grad school plan!
2. alstromeria is my favorite flower too. I would express pleasant surprise, but since we're the same person/divine being, I suppose there's not much to be surprised about.
3. don't fall over dead, but I mailed it! finally! and I'm sorry! never trust me again! even though I'm you!
Flattery is a devil's trick. Good thing I already knew you were the devil.
PS. I heart you.
PPS. I got mail from you that made me so happy.
PPS.
PPPS.
I echo everything that has been said, even Melyngoch's apology that I didn't understand.
That, and the flowers don't smell like ANYTHING.
Just like me!
You are a writer, girl.
And you know this...
And this will show you my mental state right now (going crazy) but I started reading your blog and I absolutely forgot this was your blog and I thought it was Ambrosia's blog so I was wondering what in the heck Ambrosia was doing writing about applying for PhD programs when she hasn't even gotten a masters program yet...
I need more sleep. Gaah.
if flattery is of the devil then call me miles davis. im glad you finally figured that out. you are quite wonderful.
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