Monday, December 01, 2008

(an interruption, or "There is no end to existential crises.")

(I just declared it a week of Maryn, which it is, and then I scrolled through my blog, as I am wont to do. And I'm usually pleased with myself, with my writing, even when it is Too Much. But today I was sad, I am sad. An entire string of David Cook videos? Seriously? And only a video of the Weepies as Puppets? And then I blog-hopped about, reading about people who I know and people who I love and people who I wish I could be like. There is one person who is living the life I think I should be living. There is another who is living the life I want to be living. And I'm wondering if even though I moved to a new city, and wrote new poems, and even got into an MFA, if I'm actually living. This weekend was lovely, but it was a borrowed kind of lovely. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know when I get to find out. I wonder if I should start with who I was, or if that would be counterproductive. I want to be excited to be me, but I have to figure out who that is first.)


Th. said...


The first thing you do is send me your back catalogue and let me try and sell a few of them for you.

Anonymous said...

You are still the brilliant, giving, slightly sarcastic, wonderful woman who loves writing, museums, bookstores, teaching and her friends and family and don't forget peanut butter. All of us love you! Believe me...we know who you are.

Ginsberg said...

Hmm, I could recommend some books and movies all about characters facing existential crisis, but I imagine you've seen them all. (But if you haven't, go rent and watch Cool Hand Luke right now! Not because it will be especially helpful, but just because it is an awesome movie. Oh, and disregard the car wash scene.)

Anna B said...

i find that entering new territory (particularly the kind that you've just entered) = identity crisis. which, let's face it, stinks just a little. i chalk it up to discovering new sides of oneself. so, you are still you and you'll come through. you are just too great and too strong to be buried by this. and i miss you!


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