Monday, February 28, 2011

I take it back

I've told a few people that I just want to have an answer on grad apps, even if it's a bad answer. I lied. I don't want to know. Maybe ever. I want to live in a blissful state of "the admissions committee is so enthralled by my application they are unable to leave it to send me an acceptance." It's a nice place.

It's an awful place. But at least there is hope. A glimmer. Or a large chunk of "no chance in hell, but enjoy it while it lasts."

Am I being overdramatic? Maybe. But tonight was my first in what I'm almost positive will be a long list of "Deny." And this was the worst kind of deny. Not a letter (or I'll take an email) with a gentle but firm tone of "we had so many qualified applicants." I'd even take the "seriously? you thought you'd get in here? enjoy your inflated sense of self-worth, but enjoy it far away from our hallowed institution." This was a one-word update to my application status: Deny.

There's some catharsis in writing this post, so please, no sympathies. It's stupid and awful and part of me wants to curl up and cry, and the other part of me wants to write a poem so brilliant that they'll be physically ill when they realized they could have accepted me.

But I wouldn't want to go there anyway.*

*This is a lie.


Maryn said...

You go write that poem, sister! I love you.

P.S. I know what catharsis means.

Lekili said...

Sarah I adore you.

Jean Bean said...

Oh, I don't know you at all, but I found your blog from Anna's blog...and I don't know if you'll think this totally strange, but I liked your post a lot. Rejection stinks. I've had a bit of that myself lately. Anyway, thanks for somehow making me feel better, even though you don't know who I am. I'm sure you'll find a perfect fit somewhere.


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