I am blogging

in bed. This is not an unusual occurrence, but I feel the need to mention it tonight. Partially because I told Saule Cogneur I was crashing for the night and needed to take a rain check on our conversation, but mostly because the brother-in-law has mission buddies over and they're watching Mystery Science Theater directly below my bedroom. And they're loud.

It seems strange to write "brother-in-law." Stranger to write that Lauren is pregnant. I'll add to that that I'm throwing my first baby shower on Saturday--not for Lauren, but for my cousin Meghan. And today I got an email announcing Aislin's second daughter. And a wedding announcement in the mail for an old roommate.

I don't like change. I also don't like being left behind. And I don't like feeling guilty because I don't feel ready for any of the changes my sister and cousin and friends are taking on. I know guilt isn't the usual reaction. I'm not sure what is, but I think I'm the only person in the world who apologizes for not being in a relationship. Or getting pregnant.

This wasn't supposed to be the point of this post. I was going to write about inscape, about how last night was my last night with inscape. The release party for my issue. Featuring Kapka and Tolkien Boy and the mad layout skills of the Duchess. But only the Duchess was at the party. And an inscape event without, well, everyone was just too weird. Too empty. Odd to think I could move on from that time in my life, but I think I have. No choice. I guess I'm trying to say that I've changed.

Cue David Bowie.