I've been listening to Adele. On repeat. Mostly track 11. Which is this song.
This cannot be healthy. In addition to messing with my emotional well being, it's preventing me from coming up with a solid lesson plan for tomorrow.
We're starting the "Problematizing a Significant Event" paper, which is UVU speak for the personal essay. This is the paper I live to teach, where I can bring up every crazy bit of creative writer in me.
I'm a little worried that the creative writer in me has left the building.
I love teaching. Want to do it for the rest of my life. But I'm missing the other parts of my life. I'm missing the other people in my life. I forget to turn off the teacher, and find myself on autopilot two hours after classes are over. And don't even get me started on the days I don't teach.
I'm missing talking about poetry and literature and language. The things I love, the things I want to be teaching. I'm trying to decide if it's worth one more run at PhD programs. Listening to this song makes me think that maybe rejection isn't a bad thing. Maybe it's beautiful. Maybe it's an invitation to try again.
Maybe it's rejection.
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6 comments:
I've spent much of the past six months listening to this album, and especially to this song.
You just gave me a spectacular blast from the past. I know it's not the song you're listening to, but when I read the title I immediately thought back to playing the piano with you and singing our hearts out to Jekyll and Hyde.
But if someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly
Nothing would ever be the same!
We still rock that song. ;)
Love you.
Dear Butterfly,
I hope everything falls into place as soon as possible. I don't really like these limbo (coma) spaces in my life either, but I sure love you and I'm glad I got to see you for a few minutes last Sunday. I am in awe of you!
Annie
I'm thinking a writing, work shopping group is about to be started...you've got the space, the brilliance and you know plenty of people. Do It!
I know how you feel!!! about still being in teacher-mode. ;) hang in there!
It's funny, isn't it? Especially because teaching is so...easy. I mean, it's hard and a challenge and a puzzle, but it's MWF for 50 minutes and there's always something you could be doing for it--something that's not your own work. It's easy to just get caught up in others' writing (whether as a teacher or as a reader of great lit.) and ignore your own potential contributions.
I second the idea that you should have a writing group. Something about accountability that helps prioritization, and something about reading others' work that helps with inspiration.
Also, even if you just set out a place, time and day to write (or not write--F. O'Connor would sit at a desk from 9-12 and if a good idea came to her during that time, she'd write. If not, at least she was ready), you can at least carve out space for your own work. "Me-time," I guess.
I don't know--I'm in no position to give advice, but I do love it so. (Also love you.) (And your work.)
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