Look, I know what time it is. And I would like nothing better than to be asleep right now. I mean, I teach in, oh, six hours and fifteen minutes. I should be asleep, not rolling around on my bed rearranging pillows and fighting with my quilt.
But I'm not asleep (just in case you missed that point the first time). And I'm thinking. . . against my will, I'm thinking. Exactly what I'm thinking about is none of your business, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Because maybe once it's out there, I'll be able to sleep. Or at least get some good pity points from all you good and worthy people. Or you can tell me to shut up, which may actually be more beneficial.
So yesterday was the 24th and the Jenkins' family annual "Get-together-at-Aunt-Kathy's-and-watch-the-Salt-Lake-fireworks" dinner. It's actually high on my list of family traditions. I don't know why, but I have a few valid guesses. One is the fireworks. They are set off just a few streets over, so we have great seats without having to fight the crowds. Two is my family. They're weird, but they're family. And three is my cousin E___.
Cousin E___ is a guy and before anyone makes any "kissing cousins" jokes, let me just say "Ew." Over the years E and I have become friends. We kind of had to in order to stay sane around this bunch. So good for us.
When I arrived at Aunt Kathy's, E wasn't around. He was over at the park with his siblings and his nieces and nephews and such. So instead I got to talk with E's mom, my Aunt June. And no, I don't know why June and Kathy get full names and E doesn't. Deal with it. Aunt June wanted to know what was wrong with E, since girls keep bailing on him. She thinks he's a great guy, but she's his mom, so what counsel could I offer? And I came up with the following:
Nothing. E is a great guy. And he keeps trying. He keeps asking girls out on dates. And sure he's a little shy and can be a little awkward, but he's human. He just needs to keep looking. And someday some girl will totally fall for him.
So what does this have to do with me (since I am the subject of this blog) and the title of this particular post? I jokingly make lists and I say that since I'm a grad student or since I weigh more than I want to or since I adore John Cusack, no man will ever love me. And it's nice to have that dark humor. But honestly, I'm with E and Aunt June. I have no idea what's wrong with me. And yes, I do think of it in terms of "what is wrong with me." Because I can tell you what's right and what's okay and what I hope gets cancelled out because I'm brilliant. But tonight, right now, I want an answer for why I'm awake at 2:00 in the morning with no guys anywhere, not even in my head, while other girls have husbands and boyfriends and guys at work who are a little too flirtatious. I want the reasons why no man will ever love me. At least then I'd know.
Maybe E and I should start a support group.
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7 comments:
I was expecting this to end with "and then I realized that, just like E, I don't have any damning flaw. I just need to keep looking, and someday some guy will totally fall for me."
I like my ending better. I think you should revise yours.
.
I'm gonna go with Bawb on his one.
I don't know if this is exactly what you're looking for, but it may help to remember that the pool of guys you're looking for tends to be pretty small.
Supposedly there are fewer active adult men in the church and, I'm assuming here, you probably don't want to date someone who isn't a member. And then there's the fact that you're at BYU. I have a few girlfriends who hardly dated at all until they left Provo. I'm not saying that you should leave Provo (at all, it seems to be working out fine for yoU), but I do tend to want to blame your not dating on the options available to you. 'Cause I know you were looking for my advice... :shrug:
Can I please join your support group?
I think you need to take the manhunt more seriously.
yep. bawb wins.
and:
don't get a boy toy in the next week, because I'm coming home and I need my FRIENDS!
um, I was going to say something rather inappropriate. but i won't. however, it's either the inappropriate thing, or because the guys you meet are morons. or married. not including tb because he's not a moron. although his initials stand for a disease. but that's not his fault nor does it reflect on him as a person.
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