Monday, July 31, 2006

Self Portraits with Flowers

Rose 1
It is late and I am surprised to see him (and ten others) standing at my door, holding a single rose (with two dozen more standing in five gallon buckets in their mothers' vans for other girls).

Daisies
I buy the flowers for Claire--small roses, small daisies--and ask for the ribbon to be pink. I buy the flowers for my brother to give to Claire because I want it to be in eigth grade, I want it to be opening night, I want to have the boy leave the flowers for me for good luck.

Mums
I hate the shiny wrapping leaning up against the granite. I hate the yellow and orange, the bushy heads bobbing in the wind, nodding to the angel who watches over another plot. When I die, don't leave flowers on my grave.

Rose 2
There are eight. Or were there nine? Not quite a dozen, more than half-a-dozen. A number that didn't make sense, even though I asked it to. White, heavy. I said no.

Lilies
I walk past them in the hall, running away from something I'm not ready to handle. She is arranging the lilies in a water bottle vase; he is handing her the flowers, clumsily holding their stems. I know the flowers are for me, know that they will be filling my flat with their heavy pollen smell, but I ignore them, willing to pretend surprise when they are delivered.

Rose 3
I live in the house for three weeks before I realize there are roses.

Alstromeria
I buy myself the flowers, to remember lilies without the scent. And I am willing to pretend, if you don't ask me, that they came from someone who has given me more than flowers.

6 comments:

Tolkien Boy said...

Is it a poem? For if it isn't, will you make it one?

Aislin said...

Beautiful, powerful, even-handed.

ambrosia ananas said...

Yes, beautiful.

Jeff said...

I'm a bit of a lurker on your blog, hiding in the shadows and observing. But I couldn't read this post without saying "Thanks for sharing." I admire (as I have admired before) your talent for manipulating language to elicit emotion.

(now you know I'm reading... my secret is out)

Kristen said...

i. am. home.

eleka nahmen said...

This was amazingly beautiful, eg.

 

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