Sunday, July 11, 2010

cold, cold iron*

Thursday night something happened. The stars aligned, Hulu offered up some inspiration (it happens), and I suddenly knew that I was brilliant and ready to write. But by the time I reached this conclusion, it was almost 2 in the morning and I needed to sleep so that I could go to work the next day. I considered calling in sick, but since Monday had been a holiday, I wanted to put in a solid day of work.

And of course I was too distracted to really work. But I did an excellent job of pretending. (I actually was quite productive while still thinking about the poems I was going to write after work.)

But after work came, and since it was Friday, there was Nevins. I love Nevins. Most of the time. But I was still aching to write. I was zoned out and in my own world most of the time I was with my friends. I couldn't explain to Powers why I wasn't all the way there, but this was it: I wanted to be working, writing.

After Nevins I ran to B&N for a new notebook. I took the bus home. And by the time I got home,

it was gone. Not the desire to write, but whatever fire had been burning in my head--it was gone.

I keep trying to re-create Thursday night, to put that fire back into my head, to put together the pieces. Instead, I'm bouncing back and forth between almost-inspired and definite depresssion. I'm not going to let myself crash, but I'm so close. So close.

I want to write, dammit. Where did it go?




*Thoreau said that writing after the inspiration is gone is like ironing with a cold iron. Just in case you were wondering.

10 comments:

Lekili said...

I vote for the no crashing option. Thoreau was brilliant but not always right. The fire will be back and when it comes pick up your pencil and write.

Anna B said...

this happens to me! but with a journal--i'll get this burning desire to journal because i have all of these thoughts i want to get down on paper and work through. but these burning desires only come when i have to be doing something else and then once i do have a moment to journal, the fire is gone. i've come to the conclusion that it is, in my case, as everything is in my case, a more creative form of procrastination. same thing happens during finals: reading things not to do with class is WAY more fun than reading those same things when there is no seminar paper to be writing. so, i've been thinking about this dilemma and i've decided to embrace the fire!

Bonnie said...

oh my gosh, I feel so bad for you! I know how you feel. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to work on a particular project and there are many interuptions that keep me from doing what I am so desiring to do! It's just not fair! Hope you get your motivation and inspiration back soon! I'm sure you will!

Th. said...

.

Ohhhhh this is one of the worst feelings in the world and the universe conspires to give it to us way way too often.

Zipporah said...

Oh how I can relate to this situation! I work 10 hour days during which I run into so many inspiring situations and yet when I get home I grab my pen and suddenly my mind is a blank... I began keeping a notebook in my car just for such days. I have found that the inspiration always comes back in some way or another.

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rae.lynn23 said...

I was bored, seeking inspiration, flipping through "Next Blog" after "Next Blog", when this totally stopped me in my tracks- How glorious to feel like *someone* out there and relates and I'm not alone! =) When that writer's inspiration hits, it's all you can think about- partly because if you think about anything else, you might lose it, and partly because it's literally so all-consuming a fire that you can't think of anything else! And when that fire does ignite, you have to take advantage of it then and there! It's the birth of true beauty. There's nothing worse than having time to write when you're utterly uninspired, or being inspired without possible time to write.

Just little old me said...

ouch..... yeah i've been there. although usually when i hit a writers block it means i've done something wrong in my book, and i have to re-read until i find the place it got chopped up, and i start that over and try something new. it almost always works!

 

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