confession

so. here's the thing. i am really. . . happy. happy enough that i am ignoring all capitalization tonight. throwing caution to the wind, that one.

okay. i'm happy. i know this is going to sound terrible, but it feels really weird. i haven't been happy for a long time. not like this. maybe not ever (at least since puberty).

should i be worried?

i'm trying to figure out what's changed. it's not that this week has been perfect. it's been irritating and long at times. but each day seems to end well.

monday: my professor finally let someone else read a poem. "lady lazarus" by sylvia plath. i read it; it was amazing. it just. . . "Dying / is an art, like everything else. / I do it exceptionally well. // I do it so it feels like hell. / I do it so it feels real." sorry. can't disrespect the poem. sigh.

tuesday: no class, one-on-one conferences with professor kinzie. and i hate to sound like sally fields, but she likes me, she really likes me. and my poetry, which is more important.

wednesday: dinner with barbara after institute. always fun. dinner with B, not institute. but then--here's the scary bit--i stayed up late cleaning my apartment. it's not like i never clean, but, i never clean. it's lovely. oh, and wednesday is when i found a couch on craigslist for $75. and it's a nice couch. i know, because it's now in my apt, looking all comfy and 90s.

so thursday. and i can't keep up the lowercase any longer. I finally saw Mass tonight. It's been at least five, maybe six, years since Justin introduced me to the music. And it was glorious and overwhelming and inspiring. I'm hoping it's jumpstarted something in my brain, something new. It was beautiful, but not in a pretty kind of way. I'm going to attempt a full post on it tomorrow, after I've processed.

And the company wasn't too bad either.