Friday, December 30, 2005

Apologetic

I deleted a post. Maybe this goes against all the rules of blogging, but I suppose it can be done in rare and necessary cases.

What I wrote last night was a severe case of what I wrote not matching up with what was in my head. I made connections and leaps that weren't there for you to read and for that I apologize.

I do believe in God. But believing in God (for me) is tied to, however tenuously, believing in myself and in other people. This past semester I've been talking to some of those other people the way I used to talk to God--not really praying, but the sense of apostrophe that we were all so proud to know in high school English classes. It's not so much postmodernism--I refuse to accept that label--as it is erasing boundaries between God and the absent, boundaries that I realize now are necessary and have to be constructed again in my mind.

I don't pretend to have a monopoly on sorrow. I do have a monopoly on my sorrow and my mind. I don't pretend that other people don't have problems or that mine are somehow more important or to a greater degree. Last night was me trying to figure out myself, not God or anyone else. I suppose, however, that those conversations are best kept private.

My apologies.

3 comments:

Saule Cogneur said...

I sometimes wonder if blogs are like childhood journals. You reread them, and they're utterly painful. At the same time, that’s who you were at that particular time. History is best when uncensored. Recording moments of personal struggle and triumph are an excellent way to document progression (or digression as is often my case). I always say that blogs are about the writer; others can tag along if they so choose.

That said, I have a public and a private blog. Some thoughts are better kept personal. The key word here is kept.

Thirdmango said...

I'll agree with SC, considering I read it, sorry if it made you uncomfortable, that's what you get for posting right before I went to bed. :)

I still liked the post though, but I understand the need to delete it, so make a note, no more blogging at 5 in the morning when you can't sleep.

KapkaVictim said...

Dag. Now I feel like the blog censor.

It does make one wonder about the whole institution of blogs, though. What is the difference between a journal and a blog and a letter and a messageboard?

 

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