Apologetic

I deleted a post. Maybe this goes against all the rules of blogging, but I suppose it can be done in rare and necessary cases.

What I wrote last night was a severe case of what I wrote not matching up with what was in my head. I made connections and leaps that weren't there for you to read and for that I apologize.

I do believe in God. But believing in God (for me) is tied to, however tenuously, believing in myself and in other people. This past semester I've been talking to some of those other people the way I used to talk to God--not really praying, but the sense of apostrophe that we were all so proud to know in high school English classes. It's not so much postmodernism--I refuse to accept that label--as it is erasing boundaries between God and the absent, boundaries that I realize now are necessary and have to be constructed again in my mind.

I don't pretend to have a monopoly on sorrow. I do have a monopoly on my sorrow and my mind. I don't pretend that other people don't have problems or that mine are somehow more important or to a greater degree. Last night was me trying to figure out myself, not God or anyone else. I suppose, however, that those conversations are best kept private.

My apologies.