It's one thing to think/logically conclude something. It's another to internalize/believe/accept that same thing.
I've been oh-so-slowly reaching the conclusion that 1) I'm okay with who I am, 2) I want a PhD, and 3) I'm okay being single. And in my head it all makes sense, but I'm having a hard time getting the rest of me to believe.
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I've been wanting to say something here, but no matter how I phrase it in my head, it will probably sound like this, "Blah blah blah, blah. And, blah." with a hint of a patronizing tone.
But I'm going to do it anyway...La-dee-da (sing song voice that says, "I'm going to do it anyway...)
So, I think some of this complex that you have about being single, okay, I think MOST of this complex, stems from the fact that you are living in Provo. And I know it's been said before...but the reason why it's said so often is because it is TRUE. And you won't fully grasp that until you are SOMEWHERE ELSE. That doesn't mean you should transfer schools or anything. It just means that maybe you could put off this complex until a later date, once you have moved away, and lived a little more life.
Let's say you graduate, and move out of the predominately mormon, married-at-an-early-age, states. What you will find (if you try to target an area with professional LDS singels like yourself...and that doesn't mean that they're over the age of 30) say someplace like San Francisco, Chicago, NY, Denver, So. Cal, etc. You will find people who chose to go to a school besides BYU, because it is a BETTER SCHOOL, and they were smart enough to get in and get a scholarship (I'm talking the Stanford grads, the Berkley, UCLA, USC, NYU, etc grads). You will find that they are over the age of 24, single, dating, LDS, and satisfied with life--and they don't feel noticably different because they're not living in this FREAKY TWILITE ZONE where you have to marry before you graduate because if you don't....AHHHHH!!!
You, eg, are a brilliant, beautiful, witty, fun, cute, attractive, sensitive woman. And you are so unique that BYU generic brand of man is not going to be the most thrilling match for you. BYU is a good place for you to be, the department is small so you can really play an integral part in your MA, the dept. has some incredibly talented profs to mentor you, you have wonderful teaching opportunities here that JUST DON'T HAPPEN in other MA programs. So, for you, at this time, BYU is really a wonderful choice. But, it might be that for your future spouse, BYU is not the best choice. You might just have to graduate, become editor at a high powered publishing house, and have a fabulous career before you get the love of your life and the family.
And believe me, secretly many, I dare say, most LDS women would love for it to happen that way. At least the interesting ones would. The boring ones probably would prefer to stay home and decorate the nursery. Ouch. ;-)
So, be happy with what you've got. You're the envy of a lot of people, but it takes a paradigm shift to see that sometimes.
Sorry for being patronizing.
Your conclusion is good eg. You are wonderful, you deserve the enjoyment of a PhD, and being single is wonderful. We have the rest of our lives to be married. Let your hair feel the wind, make more and more of the best friends you will ever have, and use this time to be YOU -- The more of yourself you are able to uncover and develop before marriage will only increase the blessings to befall upon your children.
Sounds "preachy," but I love being me, being educated, and being single! More power to ya eg. Why do you think we all love your blog?
Being single and educated and graduated is amazing. Sure, it'd be wonderful to be married - it's nice to have someone who cares about you and what you care about. But savor the time that you have to be you. I go to work every day so glad that I get to make important decisions that I otherwise wouldn't have. Yes, getting married and having a family is so very important, but it comes in do time. What you get to do now is enjoy the ride and make every day count because before you know it you'll be changing diapers and running after little kids - still amazing and wonderful but different from what you get to do now.
Besides, Mr. Right needs to become as amazing as you before it will work out. You deserve someone special and nothing less and sometimes it takes time to find that person who measures up to you. You're awesome.
Ignore the obvious spelling and grammar errors in the post -- been working off of minimal sleep here. But just wanted you to know that your blog is great. I love reading it.
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