Friday, November 11, 2005

are u ok?

How are you tonight?

And they all turn to look at me, like a divided Cerebus, staring, waiting. And I can feel--literally feel--my eyes not quite fitting the sockets and I can tell that they might care, not just be waiting for a response. But I have to give them one. And what do I say?

Fine, thank you. I'm just sitting here, patiently waiting for the work to begin that I came for.

Fine, thank you. I was just wondering how you were.

I'm fan-tast-ic, so carefully enunciated you believe me.

Or do I say that I'm exhausted? That I feel foolish and not intelligent? That I talked to my friend on the drive over, to my dead friend who I don't even know if I have the right to talk to. That I am missing a key part of myself so much I can't respond to them tonight. That I am alone, always. That I am tired, no matter how much sleep I get. That I have ceased to do what I've always existed for. That I stole her idea of wings and stapled them to my back only to discover they were only feathers and wax and are melting against my skin. That I don't dream and I miss that interaction.

But I am fine. Busy, but fine. Tired, but fine. Fine. I'm fine.



Template by Blogger Candy