so you're on, but you're not on

It feels really good to be blogging again. I know I'm studying writing, but I forget how satisfying it is to write something just for fun, just for friends, just to write. What follows is a collection of random bits and pieces from my so-called life, not starring claire danes.

I wrote a birthday card this week that made me realize I have developed "my Chicago" in my head. My Chicago is spring/fall when it's green or turning to autumn and suddenly you can't help but be acutely aware that you're alive. My Chicago involves lazy walks down Michigan Ave, stopping at Borders and the Disney Store (for Abby and Jesse), window shopping, finding new stones at the Tribune building to be impressed by, staring into the curved reflective surface of the Cloud Gate (aka the Bean), watching kids wait to be hit by the Crown Fountains, and finally arriving at the Art Institute, where I could die happy. It also includes rides on the Red Line, when you time your connections perfectly; shopping at the Devon Market; Friday nights at Nevins; etc. I'm not having such an awful time here after all.

Now that I've said how much I love Chicago, I'll add that I love the city, I love my program, I love the friends that I've made here. I do not love not having a job. After six months working in a temp position with the possibility of full time employment, I maxed out my hours and am now unemployed. I enjoyed the first few days of unwinding--I didn't realize how burnt out I was after running the Winter-Spring quarters gauntlet. But now I am bored. I have been applying to every job that seems like even a remote possibility. And there was one job that seemed very possible, but it turns out it was another dead end. I have the money to survive a little while longer in Chicago, but I can't justify another year of debt and no certain income. I'm giving myself to the end of the summer, and then I'm seriously considering leaving the program, Chicago, etc, to couch surf in Utah.

Well, that wasn't happy. This is. It's currently the wallpaper on my desktop, and even though there isn't really a "you" right now, it's the possibility of feeling this way that makes me smile. Actually, what it does is make me want to write a novel, the silly cheesy summer reading kind that I so desperately need right now. Maybe a rom-com that would later be made into a movie no man will watch. Claire Danes could star in that.