Tuesday, March 03, 2009

sad sad bunny, part two

So I tried to find a clip of the Arthur minstrel singing "Sad Sad Bunny," but no luck. A friend did have a YouTube link to the Sendak classic "A, Alligators All Around," but it's not really applicable here.

I have spent a day trying to ignore, well, everything. It's incredibly easy when you work in data entry. All I need are pages of numbers and a computer screen and a second computer screen to play videos on so that my thoughts don't wander too far from the first computer screen and, of course, the numbers. But now I'm back in my yellow apartment (have I ever mentioned that the living room of my apartment is various shades of yellow? it is. and while nothing else is actually yellow, this room colors everything else), now that I'm back, it's a little harder to pretend that I don't exist.

Tomorrow I have a final interview for a job I would really really love. I'm not worried so much about the interview as I am about what happens after the interview--the part I can't control. I'm not sure I could handle another disappointment, another failure. Because--and I know no one else sees this--my life for the past year-and-then-some seems to me to be a series of failures. Somehow the plan that was my life, the plan that was going forward, fell out from under me. And I know this happens in life. And there are days when I can philosophize it away. I can say things happen for a reason, and look at the person I am because of what has happened, but it's really all still very fresh. It will be years before I can say that in earnest.

So here's where all this leads. And I say this with all sincerity. I'm really very scared for tomorrow, and for the days that follow, waiting to find out what happens. Please pray for me. Going forward has never been this terrifying, or required this much faith.

8 comments:

Th. said...

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Well gee whiz. Come hang out with us on Tuesdays then. (I presume the job would pay for this?)

ashmae said...

hi sarah, I hope you are well, sure like you.

Club Narwhal said...

if i was a carebear, i would be beaming prayers out of my belly into the sky. i'll try to do it all the same (seriously, break a leg!) xo

Aislin said...

Always. For hope, courage, light, truth, understanding, peace, purpose, and comfort.

heath said...

Will definitely be praying for you. We've been dealing with the same thing with Royce trying to find a job. It's really discouraging. But I do know that the right job will come along in the end for us. And I sure hope this job is that for you!

Anna B said...

of course! and you'll be great.

mlh said...

yellow wallpaper?


No, you're such an awesome smarty-ptardy. I was talking with Kimmy J tonight about how smart you all are. Whatever becomes of you will be brilliant!

Ginsberg said...

". . .my life for the past year-and-then-some seems to me to be a series of failures. . . "

I wish that didn't resonate with me as much as it does. . . but, well, it does. Does that make you feel any better?

But I still say they'd be stupid not to hire you.

 

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