Friday, August 05, 2005

Must Love

Confession (that really is just stating the obvious, but it's me finally realizing what I'm about to say): I haven't been editorgirl for a long time. I'd like to pinpoint a certain night in Paris as the cause, but I know it goes back past that. Or maybe not. What has happened to me? I've become boring, quiet, irritable, ornery, snobby. I know I was all those things before, but now it seems to be maginified to a power I can't even enumerate. I blame things around me, things inside me, but tonight I'm realizing that it's just me. I'm not apologizing--no reason to apologize--but I haven't been blogging much because of that. And when I signed on to another discussion board I rejected editorgirl because I'm just not her anymore. I miss her. I miss who I was when I was in that role, even though I hated who I was sometimes as eg.

I went to a movie by myself tonight, something I really needed to do. And for the first time in months, I felt like editorgirl. I had my notebook out, I was writing down quotes, I was getting all giddy and worked up over the screen. Granted, it was John Cusack, but still. I was eg tonight.

I don't know who I'll be this fall. I'm not sure who I am now. But someday--someday, I hope I get to be eg again.


KapkaVictim said...

I think you should be just eg. In other words, "in other words." Because, dearest, you are other words. Otherwords, I don't think you'd be what you are, in other words.

KapkaVictim said...

I mean, of course, you should be for example. For example, how could you be anything except an example of yourself. What's the best example of you? Well, you, for example.


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